Beginning today I walk
with renewed faith in human kindness. Regardless of what has gone before. I believe there is
hope for a brighter and better future. Now I can still say that my journey is
not yet through, and it is long way to go. I can feel it now because I am more
mature and more responsible now, but I must admit there’s still part in my life
that I have to correct and I feel it soon.
I am now 40 years old and I could never tell what will
happen in the near future. Before that good path that I have to undergo with, I
want to share with you my life, my journey since childhood until 40’s.. As I go
with my story, I can now say that I reach this far of my life with more
hardship, sacrifices, tears and blood I shed. I perspire a lot and accept the
fact that on this journey of mine I am really alone. Life is not that easy you
know.
Before, I was just a simple boy living in a country side in
the province that progress is very slow and not that fast. I am from a family
of 6 siblings and we have two boys in the family. I am the youngest male son.
There is still youngest in the family, a
girl we used to call her Unggay but she has a beautiful name. My father is a
very good man, a good father and a good husband. He was very kind with us. He
used to drive a public utility vehicle, we call jeepney, in our town or should
I say in our barangay. My Mother is a plain housewife, a very caring mother and
a good one… She take care of us very well and she cooks very good… I should say
we really have a great parents who’s ambition in life is for all of us, to finished our studies even we are from a
poor family. We used to have some animals in the backyard as another source of
income of my parents like the pig and some chickens, a native one. We have some
vegetable in the backyard too and a small rice field, that we cannot say at all,
that we owned that lot on that time.
Since we came from a big family who’s income is not
sufficient enough to send us all by our parents to a private school, so, we all
study in a public school, in elementary
and in high school. I can still remember that I am not a very studious boy that
time. I seldom read books. I go to school with just a few books and notebook
and pads. I am just wearing as simple
ordinary round neck shirt, and ordinary short and an ordinary pair of slippers.
That time we do not have yet a school uniform in elementary public school. I
taught then life is just simple. I have a very kind and good teacher. At young
age I already noticed some girls around me. I could say girls look at me also because
I am good looking then, but with a dark complexions and always has a simple cute smile on my
face. I even notice one girl then, but
she ignore me or should I say this girl doesn’t notice me at all because we
have a different status in life by then, or maybe just a simple reason that she
really doesn’t notice me at all and she does not even notice that I am looking
at her already… As a normal elementary boy I experienced all the things that a
normal or ordinary student has, like cutting classes or with the barkada. Going
to different places and exploring different things like swimming in a river,
playing basketball or in a billiard hall playing billiard or playing cards.
When I reach high school it is basically the same, I am not
really a studios student, This time there’s a lot of girls around me, from
different places and now I am studying in a town proper. Thanks to my parents
because spite of hardship in life, because they have a low income, they were
able to send us all in high school. What I remember then, I go to high school
with only a pair of black shoes, but not branded and not so good and beautiful
like my other classmate has. I only had
a pair of white socks, a brown pants and a white polo shirt as my uniform that
I have to wash every time I got home so that I can wear it again the following
school day. I remember then my barkada or group are not from a wealthy family
on my place and we feel we do not belong then. They ignore us and this time I
told myself that my life will also change not because of my parents but because
of me and I will make my life a difference. I still remember that I had to help
my father driving the jeepney sometimes so that my father can rest for a while
and still we have money to spend for the family. Most member of my family are
girls and we are two boys in the family. My older brother is too good and kind
not like me, and I can say that I am more bad that him, especially when it
comes to women or girls. I am more good looking that my brother, that’s why
also girls are closed to me. I can still remember my teenage life especially
when it comes to a public party or a public dance. I am not a good dancer, but
I can say that girls goes with me even without dancing, we just chat or talk in
a place near the party, with a more private one, a little bit dark, and usually
this is in a parking lot where the jeepney used to be park at night. At a very
young age I can get what I want to a girl and take note this girls are not just
a simple girls but a beautiful one, a young lady, from different places. Girls
are from a wealthy families sometimes. They are well known in my place and they
are beautiful and intelligent.
But life has so many great options but you don’t have to
always pick what seems the best, just pick whatever that makes you really happy
and it will be the best. With the Lord’s blessing I was able to finish my high
school, but finishing school by then is not that simple because sometimes I do
not have money in my pocket or just have a little money on my pocket and I
cannot buy anything I want. That started my big dreams, my big, big dreams in
life. I said to myself this should not
be like this way. I have to make a difference in my life. If other member of my
family will just stay here in my place, I told to myself that I will have go
that far to make my life a more good. Whether it is in the right way or not,
whether I will used other person in a process or not, but not too bad.
I never regret anything that has happen in my past childhood
life and teenage life. I look it as perfect and good, spite of hardship. It cannot be changed
anymore, undone, or forgotten, so I take it as a lesson learned and move on. I
know I am from an ordinary poor family in my province and i know that people
who has money has always on rule. I told myself that I will continue my studies
in college if I can and work if needed and necessary in order to finished my
schooling in college. My parents cannot send me in a good school in college
because we are so many member of the family are studying in college then. I
learned to work and at the same time study. Even I am not a very studios and bookish
I still realized the importance of
finishing school in college to have a good work and a good life in the future.
But maybe finishing school is not really for me. I cannot decide what course I
have to take up. What is in my mind then is to go to Philippine Maritime
Institute to take a maritime course related… I did not able to finished it
there, so I transfer to another school in Feati in Manila…
Maybe schooling is not really my like, at this age I decided
to work first for my good at Jollibee Landmark and in Jollibee Mandaluyong. But
because I am so excited to work hard and earn more income I enjoy working and I
did not even notice that time is passing by. Working in a fast food change is
great, I taught by then, but, tiring. This
time I met the first woman in my life. Since I was still young then, I taught
that life is just so simple… I fall in love for the first time to this woman I
met on this fast food change that I am working with. This woman is working in a
well know Bank in my country then, so I taught life would be better for me. I find
her good and kind… and that life is just simple… I have work and she has work
too, and I could say that she is from a good family too and maybe we have a
good future if we got married. At a very young age of 19 years old I finally
decided to get married to this woman, who became the mother of my two children…
I had a very wonderful, good, kind, loving and God fearing son and daughter. Of
course if you have already additional member of the family, responsibilities
also become bigger and bigger, and getting heavier and heavier as the times
goes by. I even experience doubling my time and effort to make more money for
my family and I even experience working in a constructions company by then… I
told myself oh life should not be like this one, working in a very hot place
and you will perspire more and more so I decided to find a new job for me and
for my family. I find another job again. But finding job for me is not that very easy
because I was not able to finished my college degree… what would I expect in
myself??? I cannot get a good job because I have nothing… With my pride down I
got a janitorial job in Makati... I do my best as a janitor in order for me to
be noticed by my boss, so they can give me another job that is better and
higher that a janitorial one… God really loves me because I was able to be
hired as a janitor again but this time in
one of the famous law firm in town by
then… I really work hard and good and thanks God one of the boss realized my
diligence at work and being a hard working staff, so she help me to be a messenger now and an
ordinary staff in accounting department… I could say to myself that my life is
starting a difference already…
Maybe I was over whelmed by that change that time that I did
not even noticed that I am getting to have a barkada and making gimiks and experiencing everything
that an ordinary young gentlemen had to experience, like going out in a group,
knowing how to smoke, know to drink and know how to use of other habits that is
not good for the health and even being a womanizers, but I am not that bad then… We used to deal with other
bad guys, make an easy money… I even experience going out with other woman even
I know I am already married then… I do not have any relationship with them or her,
but we used to be closed because maybe I was mis-interpreted by that woman I go
out with, a diner or lunch only… and
maybe I was so sweet and good looking then by that time… so woman can easily
fall for me…..I used to get some materials things from this woman easily by
making my sweet nothings words……but since all of these are not good and a bad habit at all, I did not even noticed my life is fast changing but not for good and my responsibilities to my children and to my
wife is getting affected already…I am starting to have a problems with my
family and with my wife…. A lots of differences with my wife came out and we
cannot agreed and understand any more at all… We used to fight like just an
ordinary husband and wife… and it turn down to get separated with each other… Even
my children is still young then and they cannot understand what is going on
with their parents…I can’t do anything at all and we come to a point that we
have to be separated. I feel so sorry for my two children…they are not the one
suppose to be suffering and experiencing a broken family…… I love them very
much but I cannot do anything good for them...At their early age I was able to
leave them to their mother and I have to go somewhere….to find myself then….But
I promise to myself that one day I will pay all that I have owe with my
children and to give them the best education they needed and best life that
they still need and want to have even without me around.
Now I know what I want in a relationship, figure out what is
needed and to do the next to get the ball rolling in the right directions and
then take a different step to get that started…Because my family then is much
worried about me they want to help me but they don’t really know how… This time
they introduce to me another woman from a
good family too and this time has a difference… She is also a Filipino
like me but then living already in America… I did not even give them a much
attention that time… I taught life has to move on… and now I can see that
pursuing my life here in my own country is not that good specially on a persons
like me who has no good education in college and no good experiences at work…I
told myself I will try my luck moving to America and have my luck there….
Pursuing to have work in America is not that easy again…. It will take a lot of
paper work, documentations and also money, a big money again to spend with in
processing my visa, I know I cannot get a working visa, it was so difficult so
I try the tourist visa and as a consultant going to Amerika….Processing papers
entails a lot of hardship and hard work, and thanks God I was able to make it…. This
time going to Amerika…The place I taught is good for making a good future and a
good life…
I am now going
through an intense personal growth spurt. I noticed it’s more when you're asked to do so…
If you're not sure about your next step, don't make it. If anyone can stall,
it's you. Put those talents to work. Now this time something I have never tried
before -- and you pull if off with flying colors.
I think It's time to turn my passion into a money-making
venture. Use my only faith in myself to explore some new ideas. Emulate what
others have done and don't vary from that approach. If I can copy the moves of
the experts, I'll probably get similar results.
I feel so much confidence in myself that I may be in a
position of leadership but I do not sure how to handle. Take my time.
Eventually, I 'll know what to do with this newfound power. Until then, make
decisions with the help of those who have gone before me.
Life in America is not that easy… so I have to get in touch
with another woman to draw more strength. I taught at this time this is what I
need and this is the good thing I have to be done for myself, because I do not
know anyone in California, I do not have family or even relatives in California
so I get in touch with another woman, whom I know…. This time another phase of
my life is getting faster and faster again… I did not even think, if, this is
good for my life again. I met this woman
and I made her part of my life… This time I have the second woman in my life. I
fall in love with her. I did not give
any importance by then what is the meaning of real love and what is really
falling in love… I got married with her… I just taught it is part of life
getting married again… I have another two lovely and good boys with this
marriage… I taught life is just like that… me having a job and my wife too….. I
was able to provide them some of their basic needs with a lot of hard work of
course… I taught my life now is getting better… and better and making it
easy…..I was able to work in different establishment like in a restaurant…. to be particular is Max Restaurant and Lion’s Restaurant in San
Francisco California….
I am a man to…and
have to experience again a barkada or a group that is not a good influence in
my life as a married man…. I have to experience some contact with other girls
for my physical need and challenges… like what other boys is saying….. tasting
other menu or food… umm but I hope the readers got what I mean this time
…and instead of going straight home from work I used to go other places again and experience
some bad habits as the usual bad boy has…. What are those….to mention a few is like
smoking, drinking, go with other woman and some bad habits…that you don’t know
what you are doing….coz you’re high maybe and even dealing with bad guys
selling something and I maybe that time I almost got on jail….i did not noticed,
this is happening in my life again… I
did not mind again at once because maybe,
I am still looking forward for a life
that is totally complete… it was that bad… that instead of going to a good path,
I go with the wrong path in life…This is the reason why my wife now get mad at
me and made a decision for me to be out of our own house and she does not care
for me anymore… even her family do not like what I did…. I have no place to go
where…. Then that time I suddenly realized I have already a big problem on my
face….i cannot do anything any and instead of falling into trap that is not
really good… I told myself I have to do something for myself and realized what
I have done…. I left my wife and my two sons in California and move to Kansas
to my sister… This is the only place I can go to make a difference.
I may not be in a position to prove to my wife and to my
wife family of changes that I have sure how to handle. It take time,
eventually, I 'll know what to do with this newfound power in me but in
Kansas, Until then, make decisions with the help of
those who have gone before me. I can make a big, big change in my life but this
time…and I am sure of this time that this is for the good of myself, my life
and my two broken families that I made…
When I move to Kansas, I have nothing but to prove to myself
and to my families and to the family of my ex-wife that this time I can make it…. I have to…..
and I can really make a difference…. I move fast… I have two works…. I double my time….I work in a Marriot Hotel as
a hotel crew. I work also in Wall Mart as a cashier and I even work in Dillard
Mall in men’s suite department… I save my money on those work I got…. I
realized to myself that I can even do more and be good…. No bad habits at all….
Stop everything… I stop smoking, stop drinking and stop womanizing….and other
bad habits that I used to have and stop that all… I had a lot of challenges in
life….while working in one of the establishment in a men’s suite sales department
one of the guy who used to buy clothes on this mall notice my kindness and my
personality as a salesman, and he told me, you want to work with me??? You can
go places somewhere in sales…. He approaches me and even ask me If I want to
work with him in selling car….and I was laughing at him that time and told him,
sir maybe you have mistaken me… what do I know about cars and specially selling
cars…and the man said… with your kind of personality I am sure you can make it
and go somewhere in sales… if you feel like working with me here is my calling
card and call me….
Maybe that time God is giving me an opportunity to be in a
more good place or should I say a good work… I call the guy who talk to me and
even ask him to help me find a job… The job that he told me when we first met
in a department store…. This time in Rusty Eck Ford Car Dealership in
Kansas…one of the biggest and good car dealership in that country….
The General Manager who talk to me before show a potentials
in me…show a different personality in me… that I can make a good sales in
car….Surprisingly with the blessing and help of the Good Lord and with all the
enthusiasm in work and diligence in work and the likes to prove to my families
that I can make a difference now. I did may best… On the first month of my
employment and that is November 2007 I
was recognized as Employees of the Month already, because of the good record in
sales that I made… and I do it regularly… or most of the month… I should say I
am Employee of the Month….This time I could really say that my life has really
change for a better… not only for a better but for good…. During the time of my
stay in Kansas City for 9 years I was able to buy my own house… provide good
clothing and shelter for myself… I was able to buy a branded cloth, shoes,
perfumes, and everything that a man’s gadget has….i was able to acquire it… My
family have notice it also… I was able to buy my own car…and even up to the
extend of collecting cars… up to 6
units…. I am always buying clothes, shoes,…. all branded…. I acquire all the
materials things that i do not have
during my childhood life or my teen age life….
My ex-wife here in America knows and hear all about what
happen in me here in Kansas… They were able to move here….so I noticed that I
have another problem again to face with… but this time I told myself that I can
now handle it easily…now that I have something… I can now provide for my two
kids anyway… up to the extend that we goes to a legal process of getting
divorce and give the right alimony for my wife and the right child support to
my two sons here in America….everything is putting into right places this time
I can tell to myself…. Not only this… I can even send my two children left in
the Philippines into the best schools in my home country and send them money
and send them their allowances and other materials things they needed in her
teenage life… I want that all my kids experience the best life they can and not
to experience the experience I had in my life…. I love them all very much….i
really do…my children is my weaknesses now… I will shed my blood for them… I do not know
if they all realized how much I love them even we are far away from each other…
I know it would be very difficult to put them all in one places because they
came from a different mother, but I still hoping soon with the blessing of the
lord that I can still put them together as one family…. I believe God will send
me someone to help me to put these things to happen….
I still have to continue my life, my journey… I still have
to look forward too on the aspect of my life that is lacking now and I know it and
I can feel it… I am not getting any younger now and I have to be with someone for
the rest of my life… the one that I can be with….. the one who can understand
me, my personality, my attitude and
accepts me for who I am really now… and for
who I will become in the near future…the one who will love me most and the one
who I will love most…and in God's help and in God's time i can be able to find one...
I know my life is not yet there at the tip and have a long
way to go… At this point in time I never get all the things I want but I got
the right thing for me on perfect timing with God’s Blessing, never early, never
late. It take a little time and more patience and its takes a lot of faith….
but it’s worth the wait…
Thank you
God for all of the blessing… please continue
to guide me…..This is my life, my journey.... :)
The F150 has been a favorite in the full-size truck category for decades, and the new